Who wears a wallet chain?!
he thought i was a dude.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
