I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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