Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
