Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
