i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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