We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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