I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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