i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
