So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
