we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
please come you make the beer taste better
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
