A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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