He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
