rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
