This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize