apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Quick, to the slutcave!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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