your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
