She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
