On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
