we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
