addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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