Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
