I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
