maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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