Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
