We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is it penis luge time yet?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
