Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
