Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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