Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
