then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
