He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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