I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
