I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
