the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
