Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
