We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
