I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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