Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
