I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
