im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
