need another drink. this is the easiest way
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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