She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
