Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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