I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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