He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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