Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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