fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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