Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
