Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
