Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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