Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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