he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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