Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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