one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
