hotel room ftw
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
