we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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