So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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