Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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