Please, let me fuck your mom
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
