I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
