ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
