Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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