how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
