hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
