I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
