She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
