i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
