I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
