Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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