I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
