I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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