so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
